Saturday, November 8, 2008 @ 7:42:00 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY-SISTER-WHO-IS-12-THIS-YEAR YUANXIN. :D
YOU ARE SEXY(ER) NOW! SO EMBRACE YOUR NEXT STEP TO SEXINESS AND TEENAGEHOOD. I wish you good luck. You'll need it next year.
My dad is weird like me. In a good way, at least.

He was supposed to come back home next week, but..



































HE CAME BACK TODAY JUST TO SURPRISE MY SISTER ON HER BIRTHDAY!!!! :D

He is such a great person, no? :D
And he's behind me asking me if I've seen what he bought for me from Italy. HAHA. I said no, so I'm going to look at it soon.

My agenda for this holiday, not that it's finalised or anything:

1. Do well for singing course
2. Practice (to perfection) SYF piece as far as I can go with my section
3. Earn money
4. Make my ic (should I include my "english" name?)
5. Jog every weekend
6. Find my sense of fashion
7. Be happier
8. Repair the computer
9. Learn to be more independent
10. Save money
11. To find inner peace. Seriously.

In life I am repeatedly disappointed. When was the last time I was truly happy? I am becoming a self-conscious hypocrite, a person who stereotypes people. It's true. I need to be happier.. this depression is killing me. I'm finding faults with the smallest matters, with the stupidest of situations. I'm being overly sensitive and then realising that it's ME that's too afraid to be accepted by people. Not that I want to be liked by others that much. It's so scary to live up to others' expectations. Like, "Oh she looks so arrogant, she must have an attitude problem." now.. or how about "She's such an attention seeker." when I was in primary school. There are many many aspects of my life that I want to erase. But I cannot. The unhappiest, most unpleasant moments I keep only to myself. I.. smile to myself when I think about dying and thus forgetting my worries. Then sadly remembering it's reality, and wanting to give up on my responsibilies before deciding that my family needs me. And it'll go back to smiling to myself.. that will be when the phrase "rollercoaster ride of emotions" truly hits me. What's the point in telling people this ISN'T an emo post when it is? As unhappy as I am, I'm still human. And we're all humans! There's no use denying this is a self-inflicting entry in which I talk about my.. weird sad state. In the end I'll still feel better anyway, right? Ugh the human facades.. I cannot stand them. I would rather a straightforward person tell me my weaknesses and whatever than people who are afraid of hurting my feelings and thus causing themselves guilt and fear. What. Is. The. Point? Come on, it's not like we all really like every single person around us? We have feelings! It's only normal to dislike certain people and like others. Just try to accomodate and stuff, why don't we? Behaviours of humans are so amusing to watch.. I just wished I wasn't one. Sorry dad, and mom. This is what I feel. I still love you guys. :D

..No I'm not on the verge of doing the unthinkable.

Or am I?

I need to stop listening to whatever they tell me. Accusations, accusations, accusations. Sick of all these. Just shut up.