Sunday, February 15, 2009 @ 12:34:00 PM

I want to..

I want to be someone else or I'll explode.
From: Talk Show Host by Radiohead

I am becoming increasingly irritable, finding the faults in everything and everyone. For one, I badly want to criticise and pinpoint many things but I have to hold back because in the end it will end up in an argument, so what's the point? Then again, I'm the one who wants to bottle everything up anyway. Hah, what a joke. I block out people who tell me I am emotional. I find ways to immerse myself in depression. I don't see the point in giving my all if I get repeatedly disappointed. I cannot bring myself to be happy when I know it's just a facade. It's a very Chinese thing, to hide your true emotions. Maybe I am so extremely perfectionist to the point where I can't bear to take risks for fear of striking out at the last minute so I just give up completely. I feel like I'm taking things for granted and at the same time being taking for granted. I just want to blend with the walls - forget my physical existence.

It's wrong It's wrong It's wrong It's wrong It's wrong It's wrong. Then why am still doing this?